I often find myself awaking from my sleep. Not remembering what woke me or seeing any change in my enviroment. All I feel is intense sadness. Pulling me to the brink of tears. All my senses tell me Im somewhere safe, somewhere that I should not fear. I dont understand. I never understand to be honest. Dont think I was ment to understand. When I was younger I chased the shadows of another world. Pushed my soul up against hell's door to see what I could hear. I HAVE danced with the devil in the pale moonlight. I just wish I would of known who it was at the time. I've learned the hard way that digging too deep into your own brain is more dangerous then splitting atoms. Questioning the universe opens a blackhole in your subconscious. Now I feel sorrow and pain from unknown sources. WebMD says Im suffering from depression. They gave me a hotline to call but we all know thats not the answer... not for me. I think back in my life and try so hard to see what I did to deserve so much pain, and Im lost. Maybe it was something in another life I had done? Maybe Im just chemically imbalanced? I dont know. If I did I wouldnt be here now doing this. I'd be happy. For along time I begged for someone to hit the reset button... make all the sadness and all the hate I feel deep down go away and leave me clean and free. I dont think life is supposed to be that way. Am I going to kill myself? NO. Im too interested in this whole 2012 theory to check out before then. It is ironic tho that my whole life I've told people and believed that I'd never reach the age of 30 and I turn 29 Dec. 16th, 2012... 5 days before the so called "END". So weird. I dont have any fear for the end yet.. hmm not really any fear I know of.....except for 1. I dread laying down and closing my eyes.
Good at it.