Should a person looking to get married reconsider the decision,
if the person they are looking to marry, is in deep debt and is looking to file bankruptcy?
Now I need to define the type of debt here as it was presented to me in hopes of giving a clearer picture.
There is a home mortgage with a second mortgage, a car loan and about $75,000 in credit card bills.
The person makes $40,000 a year.
Your thoughts if you please.
I'd definitely say no marriage until after the bankruptcy is finalized. It would also give one pause: Is this the partner you want? If you're unmarried, your partner can wreck their credit all they want...
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I wouldnt say cancel the wedding, but I do say seriously evaluate your different financial values and goals. Money can be a huge problem in marriages. Do a lot of soul searching and ask yourself if you are truly ok with that person's financial style and are you willing to accept that once married your financial future is intertwined. If you can accept the possible outcomes, go ahead and get married. But if you can't accept it, then I would challenge whether you are with the right life partner. Trust me - 6 years divorced and I am still dealing with the financial consequences of my ex's bad decisions.....
Should a person looking to get married reconsider the decision,
if the person they are looking to marry, is in deep debt and is looking to file bankruptcy?
Now I need to define the type of debt here as it was presented to me in hopes of giving a clearer picture.
There is a home mortgage with a second mortgage, a car loan and about $75,000 in credit card bills.
The person makes $40,000 a year.
Your thoughts if you please.
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In my case, that would be scary. I probably wouldn't take the chance. I not necessarily write them off either. But they'd need to get the financial house in order and prove they've learned from the mistake.
Run. Run as fast as you can. And don't look back. Sorry, but I've been there. Didn't do the proper financial due diligence and found out AFTER the marriage about the debt. And for the next couple years, even more debt. If a person making $40,000 a year has $75,000 in credit card debt, as well as a second mortgage, they have been living above their means for some time, and that's unlikely to change. It would be a dealbreaker for me unless the debt was due to something like unforeseen medical bills.
Duly noted all responses.
I actually got to see this person the other day and while we did not have a lot of time to talk,
she told me she had put the brakes on walking down the aisle.
As much as she wanted too, she just felt that they needed to wait a while.
I told her I thought it was a good call as well.
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Wow. I never even considered any of that. I am thinking about trying to improve my own, though.
I would not marry them unless I was prepared pay off their debt. That would mean I'd have to be very wealthy.
Any one that carries that much debt for unknown reasons other then sickness in the family needs to be looked into.
The problem is the person in debt will never get out of their debt hole within 20 years. Then how do they save for retirement? It's a no win situation.
When I got engaged, I handed my fiancée my credit report as a matter of fact, "like here's my yearly credit report your welcome to see it." with out him asking for it. That actually made him go and clean up him report and close a bunch of credit accounts he had opened over the years, but was not using. Then he show me his and told me what he had done, as it lower his over all score at that time.
He carried more debt then I did, but he also made much more money then I did, but I had the better overall score.
Wow. I never even considered any of that. I am thinking about trying to improve my own, though.
Indeed, a lot of times people lead with their heart and totally disregard the monetary side of the relationship.
Now I know that this can for sure sound a bit harsh, but to me, finding out the person you have just linked your life too, has also allowed their creditors the ability to drain your saving or dip into your pension fund,
would come as a much harder blow.
Better a little harshness up front then loss of resources, later, over something that they did not share up front.
Plus too with the ever increasing importance of building a savings for our golden years, the idea of adding a partner to that life plan and not have an understanding of that person's financial standing, is truly lacking in doing their due diligence.
Of course I would hate to think that a relationship was ended over money, but the relationship does not always have to end, but for sure a financial linking for sure is something that could be foregone.
I guess that is just my realistic view of things.
So many marriages end over money, divorcing mostly when the money has run out or the couple is broke. One hardly ever hears the old adage, "we'll pull together and start saving our money for a rainy day."
If you're young and are carrying a lot of school loans, these can be paid off over a number of years.
But once you begin to live off your credit cards, you will never completely get them paid off. Living beyond your means, can eventually erode any love affair.
When two people have different concepts on how they spend their money this can only lead to misunderstandings in the best of relationships.
When two people have different concepts on how they spend their money this can only lead to misunderstandings in the best of relationships.
So true SF, and a lot of times the true nature of how two people think about and how they spend their money does not really come to light until far after the nuptials.
Especially if one starts a pattern of coving for the other in the form of picking up any kind of monetary slack.
I guess it is a bit easier if like you mentioned , the couple is young and both are starting out with nothing or dealing with student loans.
No doubt the challenge is greater when a person has built a portfolio of any size and then maybe meets some one who maybe older and then the person they meet has less saved or in some cases makes less as well.
I hate to sound like it is all about the money, but for sure as in this place that we live, the money is an important factor.
The lack of it or living beyond one's means could lead to a lot of pain.
So I think for a person looking to add a life partner, to ignore the concept of how a person views and handles money, they do so, at their own peril.
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I hate to sound like it is all about the money, but for sure as in this place that we live, the money is an important factor.
The thing is, money problems can bring to a head any other problems in a relationship. Likewise having plenty can help to hide those problems or smooth them over for a while.
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So what did this woman finally decide to do?
The last I heard, they were still together, but I have heard no more about a wedding.
I guess they could have gotten married and not mentioned it to me.
I can only imagine the idea of planning a wedding on top of already existing debt
would or should cause pause for more thought.
Yes because if they can't pay their bills then you don't need to be with them.